Our family first met Ruth in the waiting room of Heartlands hospital hearing centre.   It was the summer holidays of 2005, and Ruth had come to meet us – despite being on holiday, as she wanted to be there for our first consultant appointment – which we were so grateful of.  We were first time parents (and grandparents), to our beautiful 3 month old Ben, and had recently found out that he was profoundly deaf, and possibly had other additional needs as well. 

With absolutely no experience of hearing loss or disability – we were shocked, scared and completely lost.  But from the moment we met Ruth, we felt reassured, supported and like we had this lovely person who was really there for us - that feeling was to continue throughout the whole of Ben’s life, and beyond.

Ben’s early months/years were not easy, despite him being a wonderful baby the uncertainty of the future, and the multiple appointments, hospital visits and surgeries made it a difficult time.  Ruth fast became my rock, visiting us every week at home, as well as attending many appointments and supporting me through everything – way beyond just Ben’s hearing loss. She was my sounding board and answered every question I asked (or found someone who could). In those early days Ruth taught us how to communicate with our special little man, showed us all the things we could do to help him learn and make sense of the world, and along with Sam, taught us the signs we’d need for his life at that time.  She also introduced us to other families, to help us feel less alone, and to realise that we could do this.

As time passed and Ben progressed really well, Ruth gently guided us through both the cochlear implant process, and the start of Ben’s education – helping us choose pre-school/nursery/schools, going through the statementing process and annual reviews – and she was there through the many school changes we faced, I lost count of the number of schools she and I visited together!!  I trusted her implicitly and always wanted her opinion and the benefit of her experience.  Once Ben was in full time school, Ruth spent time visiting him in class, monitoring his progress, working with him 1:1 and training/supporting his teachers and TA’s - Ruth knew Ben so well that she could train them on far more than just his hearing loss!!  They had developed a very special bond and a ‘Ruth Day’ was always a good day!!  He really looked forward to her visits and whatever fun things they’d go out of class and do together, it was always exciting – which certainly wasn’t the same with all school work/visitors!  I think it was because Ruth understood him so well, she could read when he had reached him limit and wouldn’t push him beyond, as there was no point.  So once she’d got him to do what was needed, they’d do something he loved, like read together – or just have a good chat!

Ben loved the times he spent doing the HI team group activities/trips and the coffee afternoons – especially when he was older and Ruth would let him be her helper which he thoroughly enjoyed!

We managed to hold on to Ruth as Ben’s Teacher Of the Deaf for far longer than I think is the norm – I think poor Marion/Andrea worried that if Ruth was taken off us I’d fall apart (which was probably true)!!!, so we were lucky enough to have her with us professionally until Ben was 9 – by which time Ruth was nearing her retirement.  From then she was no longer with us in any official capacity – she was simply our friend (which she had been for many years alongside her professional role!)

Sadly, not long after that point Ben’s health deteriorated significantly.  As always Ruth was there - supporting us, checking in, visiting.  The last time Ben and Ruth were together was May half term in 2016 when we spent a lovely time at Melbicks doing a Bee treasure hunt.  They would also message each other as Ben had an ipod and loved texting!!  Ruth sent him the lovely video that I've attched below.  Ben sadly passed away a few months later.  For over two weeks we stayed at Acorns Children’s Hospice with Ben. Ruth came and spent time with us there, so she got to see first hand the care they provided for us, and the amazing work they do at the most unimaginable time.  Ruth and Marks Inca Trail trek was already planned, but she decided to turn it into a charity trek for Acorns in Ben’s memory, and proceeded to raise in the region of £4000, which was just phenomenal and meant so much to us.  I’ll never forget seeing the picture of her sat at the top, with Ben on her back – the two of them on top of the world, it was so beautiful.

In the 5 years since we lost Ben, Ruth continued to be a dear friend to me and always offered a listening ear, she has always supported our desire to keep Ben’s memory alive and has always generously contributed to the many fundraising activities that have taken place.  Also over these years, like everyone who knew her, I have been able to see her joy and delight at becoming a Nanna, and her adoration of her beautiful family continue to grow – as well as witness her immense strength and courage through the very difficult times she faced.

At our last meet up we enjoyed a lovely lunch in a sunny pub garden, she and I were approached by another Mom who’s child Ruth had supported many years ago, we all chatted for a while and then she said her goodbyes.  Later when we asked for our bill, the waitress advised us that it had already been paid by the lady we’d spoken to and she handed over a note that she had left.   It simply said “Ruth, thank-you for everything, I don’t know where we’d be without you” – I know that these sentiments will be echoed by the many many families of the children that Ruth supported over the years. 

For our family, Ruth has been a huge part of our journey, and just like that other Mom, I honestly don’t know where we’d been if she hadn’t walked into our lives 16 years ago. 

She was a truly beautiful person, an amazing teacher - who went above and beyond for our boy, and a wonderful friend.  She will forever be loved, missed and remembered by us.  I truly hope that her and Ben are reunited and reading books together somewhere beautiful. 

Rest in peace now Ruth - and thanks for everything xxx